It is Christmas Evening & the clouds are flying across a pink sky as I look out my window. The breeze is cool and the carols continue in the background... I've always found this an "odd" time of year. The hype, you know..
I remember it being somewhat of a big deal in my youth. Last year I spent it with a very close friend missioning Long Street and causing trouble as my family was away and so was her's.
This year, I am doing the "family" thing.
I am not entirely close with them, but grateful I have one. I have come to learn and accept after time that in reality, everyone has a dysfunctional family to some extent. I will attempt to be in the moment and enjoy it as much as I possibly can. I don't want to be fake. Yet I find it strange that families don't speak or communicate for months and then on this occasion "woohoo's!!" and "aah, so good to see you!!'s" are blasted as if their long lost lovers have returned from war! That annoys me.
My ideal Christmas, would require me to be in financial surplus and just buy as much presents and food I could carry and just drive it around delivering it and offering it to as many needy people on the street I could find. Unfortunately I am not in that position..yet!!
I don't want anything. I don't need anything.
I wish I could make dinner for everyone that doesn't have a family and invite them all over to my place. I will do that one day.
In the past few minutes I have really come to grasp with how immensely blessed I am. Undeservedly so.
I wrote this on 30th November:
Dear God
Firstly, Thank You. Thank you for NEVER giving up on me. No matter how many times I've turned my back on you, gone down the wrong road, given into temptation, given up on myself and on You - You have not given up on me for one second of one hour of one day.
I don't deserve Your love, but through GRACE You show me forgiveness and welcome me into Your home.
Secondly, SORRY. I am sorry I have tried to make things right on my own, without asking Your permission or having the authority and blessing to act on what I thought was the best way forward. It is no wonder that I have failed and I am not ashamed to admit it.
I am sorry for all my sins, the lies I have told, the things I have done - and NOT done, to myself, and to others.
I know through Jesus there is no condemnation so I am washed clean, but Lord, please, help me to LEARN from my past errors and protect and guide me so that I do not continue to make the same one's.
THANK YOU for Your word, it has never been more crystal clear than on this very day. Protect me from the poison, take me out of the darkness, SHOW ME YOUR LIGHT AND YOUR WAY.
Thank You for Your Angels, eventhough they may not know it, they have inspired, uplifted and encouraged me to return to You...My sister Tracy, Lebo, Amy.
Thank You for Stephen.
Thank You for the sun and water.
Since my "Letter To God" I have encountered many more blessings as well as trials. Some I have conquered, some I have let get the better of me.
On this night, leading towards the Birth Of Christ, I remain faithful that My Saviour is leading and guiding me through everyday.
But mostly, I pray for those who do not know Him. I know, it has been a long, drawn out, confusing journey to admit His presence in my life. But there is no shadow of a doubt, that with Him, my days are brighter, my nights are safer, and my dreams are more attainable. More than anything, there is more LOVE. And I wake up excited to learn more about it and grow in strength and confidence.
Amidst the unwrapping, the laughing, the drinking and the food, take a minute to breathe in your surroundings and adhere to the acknowlegement that NOTHING, is yours, but GIVEN to you. And give Thanks.
I remember it being somewhat of a big deal in my youth. Last year I spent it with a very close friend missioning Long Street and causing trouble as my family was away and so was her's.
This year, I am doing the "family" thing.
I am not entirely close with them, but grateful I have one. I have come to learn and accept after time that in reality, everyone has a dysfunctional family to some extent. I will attempt to be in the moment and enjoy it as much as I possibly can. I don't want to be fake. Yet I find it strange that families don't speak or communicate for months and then on this occasion "woohoo's!!" and "aah, so good to see you!!'s" are blasted as if their long lost lovers have returned from war! That annoys me.
My ideal Christmas, would require me to be in financial surplus and just buy as much presents and food I could carry and just drive it around delivering it and offering it to as many needy people on the street I could find. Unfortunately I am not in that position..yet!!
I don't want anything. I don't need anything.
I wish I could make dinner for everyone that doesn't have a family and invite them all over to my place. I will do that one day.
In the past few minutes I have really come to grasp with how immensely blessed I am. Undeservedly so.
I wrote this on 30th November:
Dear God
Firstly, Thank You. Thank you for NEVER giving up on me. No matter how many times I've turned my back on you, gone down the wrong road, given into temptation, given up on myself and on You - You have not given up on me for one second of one hour of one day.
I don't deserve Your love, but through GRACE You show me forgiveness and welcome me into Your home.
Secondly, SORRY. I am sorry I have tried to make things right on my own, without asking Your permission or having the authority and blessing to act on what I thought was the best way forward. It is no wonder that I have failed and I am not ashamed to admit it.
I am sorry for all my sins, the lies I have told, the things I have done - and NOT done, to myself, and to others.
I know through Jesus there is no condemnation so I am washed clean, but Lord, please, help me to LEARN from my past errors and protect and guide me so that I do not continue to make the same one's.
THANK YOU for Your word, it has never been more crystal clear than on this very day. Protect me from the poison, take me out of the darkness, SHOW ME YOUR LIGHT AND YOUR WAY.
Thank You for Your Angels, eventhough they may not know it, they have inspired, uplifted and encouraged me to return to You...My sister Tracy, Lebo, Amy.
Thank You for Stephen.
Thank You for the sun and water.
Since my "Letter To God" I have encountered many more blessings as well as trials. Some I have conquered, some I have let get the better of me.
On this night, leading towards the Birth Of Christ, I remain faithful that My Saviour is leading and guiding me through everyday.
But mostly, I pray for those who do not know Him. I know, it has been a long, drawn out, confusing journey to admit His presence in my life. But there is no shadow of a doubt, that with Him, my days are brighter, my nights are safer, and my dreams are more attainable. More than anything, there is more LOVE. And I wake up excited to learn more about it and grow in strength and confidence.
Amidst the unwrapping, the laughing, the drinking and the food, take a minute to breathe in your surroundings and adhere to the acknowlegement that NOTHING, is yours, but GIVEN to you. And give Thanks.
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